| Reunion |
[01 Oct 2003|01:06am] |
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 nostalgic |
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This is the Day - The The |
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Wow. I just had the most amazing experience. It took me a week to kind of absorb it, now I'm ready to write about it. You know how you often think "I wish I could see that person from 20 years ago... I'd love to apologize to them or just see how they are doing, etc."? Well, I got to do it. It was so much more than a school reunion. It was a reunion of friends. This was a reunion of a group of us that hung out together 15-20 years ago in Sarasota, FL at any "New Wave / Punk" club, happening, or party. We were the outcasts, the weird kids with black eyeliner and asymmetrical hair. I know it sounds SO tame now, but in 1984 in Sarasota... it was definitely defining.
It all started with Eric, a friend from way-back-when, compiling as many email addresses as he could and sending out a simple "reunion in Sarasota Sept. 20th" note. At first I wasn't going to go, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I joined the cause and rallied as many people as I could. It ended up being more than I could have hoped for. I came from Oregon, Mo came from San Francisco, and Tara and Bill came from Albuquerque. We met in Phoenix and caught our connecting flight to Tampa together. So many people came from all over... quite a few from California, many from Texas, others from different parts of Florida... all for this one weekend.
So many ghost were laid to rest, so many old hurts were healed. It was an amazing affirmation that we all meant a lot to each other. Looking around the bar that night, all you could see were smiles. Everyone was so happy. I'd be hugging someone and look over their shoulder and lock eyes with someone else I hadn't seen in 20 years. At the end of the night, someone popped a video tape in of a home movie taken at a party in 1985 or 1986. We were so young. Everyone stopped talking and kind of just swayed, arms locked around each other, watching the video. I started crying like a baby when I had to say goodbye again. I felt so silly until I turned to see other people crying, too. In fact, I'm all choked up just writing about it. I couldn't stop crying, so my best friends suggested a skinny dip to wash away the tears. We headed out to Siesta Key beach at 3am, tore our clothes off and ran into the water. It was incredibly magical. The water was full of phosphorescents, little organisms that light up when they are disturbed... like by a person swimming. So with every stroke, little pixie lights sparkled all around.
Sunday, we headed to Tampa (my best friends and I) to spend the night with my brother and catch our plane out of Tampa International Monday morning. Then, surprise of surprises... by best friend from high school, Mark, drove all the way from Savannah, GA to spend the evening with us in Tampa. It was as though no time had passed. I love him so. My friends and I took the same flight to Phoenix then parted ways to our various destinations... Mo to San Francisco, Tara & Bill to Albuquerque, and me to Portland. We all cried again in the airport.
So that's my story. It might bore some of you... but the big message is: if you get the chance to go back to see the people you chose to be with... do it. Somebody start the ball rolling, all it takes is one of you to look up old friends and make the suggestion.
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| Adoption |
[11 Sep 2003|11:51am] |
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 stressed |
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We're watching Oswald the Octopus |
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We're in the midst of adoption paperwork hell. The questions you have to answer (in essay form, mind you) are really intense. 16 pages of "what was your parents' relationship like and how would you do it differently?" and "please describe and drug use, prescribed or non-prescribed in yourself and your family, past or present. Has any member of your family ever sought mental health counseling, if so why?" Since my mother and I haven't spoken in almost 2 years, it difficult to answer family questions without sounding completely dysfunctional. Also, I believe my mother does suffer from some sort of mental disorder, but I don't know what it is. That is most of the reason we haven't spoken. Anyway, I'm kind of glazing over that part. My kids aren't allowed to visit her anyway. When we submitted the first application, it was required to write an explanation if you have sought the help of a mental health professional at all. Well, I DO see a psychiatrist to prescribe medication for OCD, which is basically heavy duty anxiety... so I wrote that I see a psychiatrist to responsibly handle my anxiety levels. I thought that was a good answer... but I got a call from a case worker at the agency telling me to say "I consulted a professional about anxiety and he declared me 'free of mental disease'". Whew! The Chinese government is really uptight about mental health issues. My friends are filling out their references for me now, and they all sound really positive, so that's good. I just can't wait to hold my little dark-haired, almond-eyed baby.
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| Oooooooh! |
[05 Sep 2003|12:04am] |
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music |
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Sometimes - Erasure |
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OK, I got a wild hair to get a new cell phone today. It was probably Bruce purchasing a new cell phone that sparked the interest. My CD player in my car also broke yesterday, so while I was at Cartoys looking at cell phones, I wandered into the car stereo room. WELL... They had an awesome deal. If you buy a stereo AND get a free T-mobile phone and plan, you get a $200. rebate on the stereo. There is also an additional $20. rebate on the stereo for some reason. On top of that, certain stereo came with a FREE satellite radio receiver! So of course I got one of those. So... all in all... I got a cool Samsung phone (internet capable) BIG color screen, a Panasonic CD player that also plays MP3's, and a satellite radio (Sirius). With satellite hook up fees, 2 month trial internet connection with T-mobile, harness for installing satellite radio and all other installation, My grand total is... $150. I feel so guilty because I have all of this cool new stuff and I should be being frugal. Guilt is a common theme for me. I'm so excited about my cool stuff, and I'm having panic attacks. Hopefully, I'll get over it soon and just enjoy my new toys. Bruce is so envious of my satellite radio... Mwa ha ha! He'll just have to ride in my car, now. I'm also really excited about burning mix mp3 CD's to play in the car. I'm a-goin' to bed.
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| A big step |
[03 Sep 2003|12:10am] |
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 excited |
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Watching Woody Allen's "Bananas" |
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Today was a big day for us... we turned in our official adoption application! (For the record, the accurate date is 09/02/03... I'm typing this after midnight) It's so exciting. Now, we wait for the big crazy paperwork package, then we have the home study, then the referral. Then I believe we have to wait for our dossier, then wait to travel. All told, this should take about 17 months! Yikes! We chose China as our country to adopt from. China has the longest wait, but Bruce studied Chinese in college and the program there is excellent. Also, the new baby will have to share Mia's room, so having a girl would be preferable. China almost always has girls.
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| I'm a total high tech retard... |
[21 Aug 2003|04:27pm] |
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amused |
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Some goofy Irish jig in my head |
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I just realized that I could be switching around pictures on my journal so as not to bore everyone with Zorak in a blond wig! (Which, by the way, was how I saw myself when I started my journal!) So now I have added a picture of my most wonderful dog ever... Roxy. I have vowed to never be pugless again, much to Bruce's consternation. Roxy sleeps with us every night, usually curled up under the covers behind my knee, snoring very loudly. Pugs also have a well deserved reputation for being quite gassy, so I have a farting, snoring, snarfling bundle of love. Among Portland's many cool activities is an annual "pug crawl". They block of the streets in one part of Portland and everyone brings out their pugs. Non-pugs are also welcome. All proceeds go to the Humane Society. How could anyone not love this town?
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[20 Aug 2003|04:58pm] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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the pounding of seemingly thousands of kid feet |
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I thought I'd take a break from cleaning and cleaning to update my journal. My in-laws will be here either tonight or tomorrow. I love them dearly and I'm very excited to see them. I just hate cleaning like a maniac. Friday, Bruce, his Dad, and Ian are going fishing off of the Oregon coast for salmon, yum! The have to be there at 5:30 am (yikes!), so I figure Mia and Bruce's mom and I will have a girl's day. Lunch, maybe the Japanese or Rose garden.
I just had a great validation of Friendster's worth... a woman who lives here found me through, I guess, a common interest search. We have been emailing back and forth and are planning to get together for coffee or window shopping or something. Cool! A new friend. So there you go, uses for Friendster other than an online dating thing.
I'm feeling sad for my Dad and my brother. My Dad is unhappy living in Brazil and my brother just broke up with his boyfriend. I want to get them both to come live here and be joyously happy! I guess that's a big fairy tale. My Dad is married to a wonderful woman with 3 beautiful daughters who are all firmly ensconced in Brazil with friends, family, and the Brazilian way of life. My brother just bought a house in Tampa. I suppose he could rent it or sell it, but I suppose that would seem irresponsible. I just want them all here! Selfish, selfish girl! Perhaps if I kidnapped them and locked them in my basement, feeding them only candy corn and circus peanuts... but no... someone would eventually miss them... hmm, back to the drawing board.
And back to cleaning for me. (joy)
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| I'm in love with Portland |
[11 Aug 2003|11:39am] |
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Dora the Explorer |
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You know, just when I think this city can't get any cooler... it opens up a whole new side to me. Friday night we went out with some friends who took us to this great place called "Wunderland". It's a huge old theater in the Hawthorne area that has been turned into a massive game room where the game tokens are nickels! The really cool games cost .20 cents. They have all of these Japanese import games that generally aren't available in America yet. They have the big Dance Dance Revolution game and a Mambo Drum game by the same company. I'm wagering that when Ian is 16 or 17 he'll be there every spare moment! I thoroughly enjoyed shooting dinosaurs in the "Jurassic Park" game.
Yesterday, we went to a party for the 10th anniversary of Infinity Tattoos. It was lovely. There were tons of kids there and they had hired a couple of daycare workers to watch them so the parents could relax and enjoy themselves. The kids jumped on the trampoline and colored and made pipe cleaner bracelet while the adults enjoyed a great DJ and delicious food and plenty of cold beverages. I met a lot of great people. Bruce and I met a couple who adopted their son from India and their daughter from New Mexico. They were so friendly and open to discussing adoption stories. They invited us to come over for dinner some night and watch videos of their son's arrival from India.
On the way home, Bruce and I agreed that our failure to sell the house last year was a sign from God or the universe or whatever is out there. There is no reason we didn't sell this house. It's a fabulous house and it was offered at a great price... I believe we were meant to be here.
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| Domestic Goddess! |
[07 Aug 2003|07:59pm] |
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 accomplished |
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nothin'. TV's on. |
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Hello, hello, hello! I'm in an awesome mood because I'm feeling like I've accomplished something. For the past 3 days I've been working on turning patches of crusty, weed ridden earth into a (hopefully) beautiful garden. I've never grown anything before... so this is all new. I used to think earthworms were revolting, now I adore them and dread hurting them with my shovel. So... when did this all happen? I mean, I made my Grandma a quilt, I just learned to sew, now I'm gardening. When did my joy change from clubbing to domesticity? I still don't cook, but the way things are going... who knows!
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| Happiness and guilt |
[02 Aug 2003|01:20pm] |
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guilty |
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None right now. Maybe I should put some on... |
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What a strange feeling... happiness and guilt all mixed up. I've been so very happy for the past couple of years, being an at home mom. For the past week, I've just been overwhelmed with happiness... like my heart is going to burst with pride and love for my children. I look forward to the day that the adoption agency hands us a picture of our new son or daughter. Still, I feel guilty. I feel guilty because Bruce is working to support us. I know, raising children is a big job and an important one... it's just that I've always felt guilty about money. I guess I also feel guilty that I'm doing something that I love. I have no bad boss to complain about. The other day I was at a clothing store and the sales lady asked if I was buying clothing for work. I felt like a big fat slacker saying "uh, no, that would be home". Bruce says that he thinks he's getting a great deal with me doing the housework and caring for the kids and I think I'm getting a great deal. I guess I should just accept that we're both happy. It's just easier said than done!
I believe Bruce was told by a friend of his, before we were married, that they didn't think I wanted to work. That I just want to have kids and stay home. I was very angry about this misinformation... now I feel like I'm proving this person right. It's not that I don't want to work... it's that I don't want to leave the kids to be raised by someone else.
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| My Grandma |
[29 Jul 2003|11:28pm] |
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happy |
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The Daily Show Theme |
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I took the Quizilla "which Hindu God/Goddess are you most like" that Scorpionis wrote about in her last post. I must say that I'm pleased with my results.
"You and Mother Lakshmi are most alike. She is the Goddess of beauty, wealth, light, and good fortune. She is the one you turn to in time of desires. You are like her because you are beautiful and you give others that knowledge to know they are as well. So you like mother Lakshmi give light and happiness to others. Don't change."
My Grandma got here today. She's one of the most important people in my life. She's the person I think of as my mother... since my mother is a total whack job. Many times my Grandma stepped in to save me when my mother "disowned" me or when she was just being a big flake. Mia's middle name is Liliana, after my Grandma. It took me a year, but I made her a quilt. My first quilt ever. I finally got to give it to her today, she seemed very pleased. I don't know what I will ever do without her. She's 86, so I guess I'm going to have to face that reality eventually, but I don't wanna. If I can be like Mother Lakshmi and give light and happiness back to her, then I will consider myself a success.
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| My latest endeavor |
[28 Jul 2003|10:34am] |
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hopeful |
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Some silly cartoon is chattering on... |
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I posted earlier that my father brought me a children's book I had written in college and it inspired me. I have actually written two children's books since then. I am in the waiting stage. I've sent them off to publishers and am awaiting their responses before sending them out to other publishing houses. Has anyone out there been published? Any advice? I got a little down and insecure the other day. I started thinking I was a big idiot for even thinking I could write. Then I went to Powell's and browsed the children's books to see what's out there. I'm glad I did. Of the three books I read, one was better than mine and two were not half as good. It made me feel a lot better. I'm never one to toot my own horn, but really, those two books were really lacking in originality or imagination. The book that I thought was better than mine is called "Arnie the doughnut". It's very funny and very original. The illustrations were a riot! Hopefully I'll post soon to tell you that I'm on my way to being a publisher author.
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| Oh so few and far between... |
[27 Jul 2003|06:27pm] |
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content |
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"You are my Sunshine" as sung by Mia and Bruce |
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I keep forgetting to write in my journal! I was invited to join Friendster by a couple of my friends, that got me thinking about my live journal friends! I've been browsing, reading, missing people. Bruce and I got a new couch a couple of days ago. It's a big leather, "L" shaped, comfy, wonderful sort of thing. I'm really falling more and more in love with my home. We had a 10th birthday party for Ian yesterday and some of the visiting parents commented that we are really making this house "ours". We certainly are. I was outside setting up the food table for the party and the smell of the soil and grass and trees of Oregon just made me so happy. It's the smell of my home.
I think I will keep a running commentary on the best thing currently happening in our lives. We are in the process of adopting a third child. Right now, we are filling out the big application which we will submit with photos of each of us, photos of our family together and photos of the front of our house. Of course this will also be submitted with a check. Only the beginning of the massive amounts of money that will go toward bringing our new baby home. We are going through Holt Children's Services, the agency Bruce's mom works for. We are thrilled with our 2 bio-kids, Ian and Mia, and want a 3rd baby. We decided that rather than bring another beautiful baby into the world, we would adopt one that's already here and needs a loving family. To catch everyone up on what's happened so far... we went to an informational meeting at Holt on July 8th. We found out that we have to pick the country we'd like to adopt from first. Each country has it's own criteria for adopting parents. It looks like, given our length of marriage, previous divorces, number of children, etc., that we will be adopting from China, Korea, Vietnam, or Thailand. I'd really love to adopt from China because the chances of getting a girl are better and the program looks really terrific, but the wait to actually get your baby is an average of 22 months! Korea is an average of 6 - 9 months. We have to finish the application then get our homestudy done. I'll update my journal as things progress. It will give me incentive to write!
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| A kick in the pants... |
[07 Apr 2003|05:38pm] |
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Judge Judy yellin' at someone |
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Boy, I haven't written in a long time. I recently heard some really bad news and frantically searched the live journals for information. During my search, I saw so many friends that take the time to write that I am chagrined at my laziness. I'll try to do better. Belly dancing class is over, so is Portuguese class... but I am continuing my Portuguese studies with a CD set. I'm getting pretty good at discussing "where the restaurant is"! I'm sick right now. Some yucky thing I picked up in Florida.
I started seeing a psychiatrist recently who is actually interested in helping me fix or lessen my OCD by assigning me "homework". Finally, a doctor who doesn't just push drugs at me and send me on my way. I'm pretty excited about this.
On my recent trip to Florida, my Dad brought me something I had done for a big assignment in college. The assignment was to write a children's book and illustrate it, too. The subject had to be sports (yuck) so I wrote a delightful little tale called "At the Rat Arena". Reading it again made me laugh and think that I actually have talent in writing children's books. I haven't carried through on much, but I'm going to try to work on this.
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| House stuff... |
[20 Feb 2003|11:21am] |
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confused |
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Lilo and Stitch |
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It's about the 70 billionth watching of Lilo and Stitch. As long as I move in and out of the room cleaning, doing chores, whatever... I don't get too tired of it. Of course, Mia can get very demanding of my full attention sometimes. Thanks to my wonderful husband (and best friend) Bruce, I can update my journal on my cool iBook while I watch. I'm slowly trying to paint the inside of the house to make it more appealing to buyers. It's going extra slow because I have to stop every few minutes to get Mia a glass of milk or peanut butter sandwich or just come sit with her for a few minutes. We'll probably put the house back on the market in April. I have no idea what we'll do after that. First, we were going to move to Patzcuaro, Mexico. Then Bruce's job made that difficult, if not impossible, so we decided to move to Nebraska to be close to Bruce's family. We are both making friends and connections in Oregon, though, so maybe we'll just find a less expensive house that better suits our needs. Of course, with the state of the US right now, Mexico is looking better and better. I hate our monkey-faced moron of a president. I feel certain that he will be the downfall of our country. I am disgusted by the appointment of Dr. Hager to the FDA Reproductive Health Drug Commission... I just want to flee. I've talked to my husband about this. He understands my feelings, but he thinks that it might be the coward's way out to run. Ugh, I don't know. I'm in a bit of a panic about getting out of the country. We already sold many of our possessions when we thought we were headed for Mexico. Wherever we go, I hope we get this all settled soon. I hate not having all of my artwork surrounding me. It's all in storage for showing the house. I love our house, it's just not really practical for our needs. Ian is already growing out of his room. If we stayed here, we'd have to convert the garage into a room for him. We're also on a busy street and barely have a yard, so the kids can't learn to ride bikes and do other kid stuff. Of course, the main thing is our high mortgage payments. They killing us. It's all about the location. Well, I'm being summoned to change the DVD to Monster's Inc. and to heat up some Indian rice and chicken for my little dictator. Ate logo!
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| Bellydancing |
[18 Feb 2003|11:24pm] |
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I mentioned that I began to study bellydancing. At first it was really discouraging. I felt so stiff and clumsy. Tonight I feel like my hips started responding the way I wanted them to. I feel like the muscles loosened and I'm able to isolate my hips from the rest of my torso. Now the chest is another story. I still feel really stiff with that one. Everytime I go for the ol' booby shimmy, I end up shaking my tush. I'll get it. I'm also having trouble with chest circles. Unfortunately, it's only a short class at a local community college, so it's ending soon. Maybe I can sign up again next semester. It's very empowering. I feel sexy even though I still have some extra weight from the baby... 2 years ago!
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| long time... |
[10 Feb 2003|11:37pm] |
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Well, it's been a long time since I've written. I've never been good at journal keeping. Since my last (and only) entry, I did something about my sluggy-ness. I started taking a bellydancing class and a Portuguese class. I'm losing my voice again. It happened at about the same time last year. My Dad just visited, it was wonderful. He lives in Brazil, so it's always a treat to see him. I'll write more when something happens!
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| The Great Beginning |
[08 Jan 2003|10:26am] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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Sesame Street Theme Song |
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Welcome to the very first entry in my journal. I'm watching probably the 8 billionth episode of Sesame Street with my daughter. She's curled up in my lap, naked, with a baby doll and a blanky. It's such a wonderful thing, but I can't help but feel like a big slug. I've gained weight and lost stamina from sitting so much. Somehow I manage to pretty much keep the house looking good and clean. It's those moments when she's not being needy and clingy that I get a chance to clean... but exercise? I guess I could put her in a baby backpack and take a walk, but my back is hurting just thinking about it. Oh, what happened to the days when I could eat what I wanted and never exercise and not have to worry about my weight? I think the answer will be to take an organized exercise class of some sort. If I can find an African dance class, that will be ideal. When Bruce and I were in Italy, we went to a Brazilian club where there was a guy leading the dancing... teaching all of the moves. It was an amazing workout. If the club hadn't been so smokey, I would have danced all night. If they had a class like that here, I would exercise all of the time!
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